WHAT DO YOU DESIRE?

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart" -- Psalm 37:4

     What, exactly, is desire? By definition (thank you Merriam-Webster) desire is a longing; a wish for something; a craving. Such feelings of desire are emotional in content because they engage our feelings, occupy our thoughts, and drive our behaviors. Desire connects us to the world precisely because it defines what we are not. I want to be a good husband. I want to be a good father, I want to be a good worker, business owner, or lover. The whole of desire is found in two words, "I want." Without desire human life is without direction and when our desires go unmet, then human life is empty and it is this "emptiness" that drives us into sin.

     Still, not all desires should be fulfilled. If I want a new car but cannot afford it, then that desire must be tempered in the context that I must wait for that desire to be fulfilled. A desire for a new car that you cannot afford does not give license to steal one in order to satisfy the desire to have one. The gratification of desire must be tempered by what we hold as acceptable behavior, and acceptable behavior is, or should be, it's own desired end. Acceptable means aligning our view of ourselves with those of others. To do otherwise; to go against what others deem acceptable becomes the meaning of "outlaw" and "rogue." When Cain slew his brother, Able (Gen. 4:8), God banished him from the land, thus, taking him away from his family. Such is the fate of the outlaw and rogue.

     Secondly, desire based on our perception of our needs is not a desirable end because satifying the perception becomes its own end. For example, I see a woman I find attractive must be tempered by the fact that she is not attracted to me. However, I perceive that by persisting she will, eventually, become attracted to me. Thus, I persist in trying to satisfy my perceived desire of love and of being loved to the point where it appears that I am a stalker which could lead to criminal prosecution or I become the subject to a claim of sexual harassment, neither of which is a desirable end. Such scenarios are being played out everyday all over the wrold. Still, some persistence does pay off, and this is not to discourage one from trying. What I am refering to, above, is the misperception of reality in the failure to recognitize that she, or he, is "just not that into you." 

     The Bible has a lot to say on the subject of desire beyond the scriptural verse that headlines this post. In Paul's Epistle to the Romans, for example, we are encouraged to "walk properly" just as we do in the light of day; to avoid "orgies and drunkeness...sexual immorality and sensuality, not quarreling and jealousy," and to "make no provision for the flesh (simply) to gratify its desires" (13:13-14). 

     But, we have such strong desires, don't we? Especially, when desire regards our sensuality and need for sexual gratification. Paul says we should avoid that, Why? Because desire has more of a genetic root than a spiritual one. It's really the natural order of things. However, the natural order of things does not mean wanton sexual desire that devolves into depravity and this is what Paul was talking about. Sexual depravity ran amok in the ancient world, but especially among the Greeks and Romans. 

     Our desires need to be tempered in a reality that lifts us up rather than brings us down simply to satisfy desire. Take marriage, for example. Success in marriage calls us to be aware of the wants, needs, and desires of another. Marriage is, or should be, the ultimate human relationship guided by the desire for happiness and a family as part of a cohesive social unit. Competing desires within a marriage that leave us feeling empty and/or abused is, in my view, the number one cause of infidelity and divorce. Two people who are not on the same page are destined to fail.

     Humans are social animals, therefore, relationships are, perhaps, the, greatest desire each of us possess. The word, relationship, contains within it nearly everything that one could possibly desire. I have a relationship with my car (I love that car!). I have a relationship with my job (I love my job!). I have a relationship with the game of golf (I love to play golf); with my wife (I love my wife); my kids (I love my kids). Furthermore, I desire to be a responsible driver to avoid accidents to the car i love; a better worker so as not to lose the job I love; a better husband and father so has not to damage my family relationship with those whom I love; and to be a better golfer so I don't lose my temper, throw clubs and use words I shouldn't be using in a self-defeating assault upon myself. These are all, in one form or another, desirable goals for a happy and prosperous human life.

     However, to achieve each of these goals and satisfy our underlying desire there is another relationship we should acknowledge and that is a spiritual relationship that digs at us, eats at us, speaks to us and drives us forward to be something better than what we are. Each of us can do better. No one should be satisfied with where they are. Complacency should never be a desirable end; mediocrity should never be acceplted as success.  

     So, how is our desire satisfied in  a spiritual relationship? I think we would all agree that a successful relationship is built upon trust. We trust that those we are committed to in love are as equally committed to us. This trust projects our love outward. To achieve such an outward projection requires spirituality whether we recognize it as such, or not. Spirituality comes from within and demonstrates that we are aware of others outside ourselves and their needs, wants and desires. You don't have to be religious to have spirit although a religious spirituality confirms that our inner-selves are grounded in a trusting reationship with something within ourselves, yet, outside ourselves. This kind of trust is what is meant by the word, faith. We have faith that this something that is both within and without in turn has faith in us. Faith contains within itself the concepts of both love and trust. We trust ourselves, and are trusted to always seek to do the right thing. We love ourselves in the sense that our past mistakes are forgiven, and are trusted to, henceforth, always do the right thing. To do otherwise is a betrayal to that faith and the source of the word, hypocrisy. Faith is based on a commitment to, and an engagement in, the relationship in which another places their faith, love and trust in us. In other words, faith contains its own implicit element of desire. We desire for the happiness and well-being of others.

     As a spiritual person, I find expression of that spirituality in religion. You don't have to be religious to be spiritual, but, quite frankly, it helps. I believe in God out of a desire "to be" a person better than the person I sometimes find myself being (reference my comments on my golf game, above). I find solace in a faith in one whose life was so much greater than mine and in whom I can be shaped into that which I want to become, namely, Jesus of Nazareth. I believe in God not so much because that was what I was taught to do. That is, simply, a cultural heritage that has taught us to accept a particular belief simply because that is what everyone in the culture believes rather than a serious examination and genuine committment to that belief. I am a Christian because that is my heritage, but am I a Christian without a serious examination of what it means to accept Jesus Christ as Savior? People go to church on Sunday, say their prayers, recite their creeds, sing their hymns, and congratulate the pastor or priest on a wonderful sermon whose meaning is lost the moment they leave the church never having acknowledged that they walked into the church lacking in something and they are leaving the church still lacking.
     I believe in God because I sense in Him a surplus of that which I lack in my own life and that He gladly extends to me. This is, in my view, the essence of spirituality. It is not an emotional response, though it requires emotion. It is not a material desire, though it requires me to give of my material self. It is not a physical need, though it requires all the physical strength that I can muster. To desire to live a life in the spirit means that I embrace a reality that extends beyond the reality I have constructed for myself: my concepts of the future; the person who is, or will be, my spouse; the career that is taking, or will take me, into that future; and the lifestyle that I have, or will have, that bring me happiness and prosperity; all the things I, falsely, believe I can create. I can certainly make my own plans for this life, but withour a faith in the path that leads to the future I cannot create my life. A life without faith is, itself, empty and without meaning.

    Furthermore, believe that as much as I have sometimes abused my life, forgotten my spirituality, and not listened to that inner-voice, I am not here by accident. One particular moment in an endless chain of moments combined with one particular union in a countless chain of particular unions resulted in my birth. Chance, you say? If it is chance, then what is the meaning of life? An actuality within an endless chain of possiblities? The desire to live beyond ourselves does not require us to be religious, but it does require us to have faith and each of us exercise faith in some form. 

     We have faith in God, or faith in no-God, or faith in ourselves and the choices we make including faith that by driving 100 mph down the interstate will not lead to a fatal accident, or a speeding ticket. But, it is faith, nevertheless. Thus, faith, is it's own desire. As a person of faith I accept that I am loved by a God that fulfills what I lack and from whom such deficiancies will be overcome. Have you ever heard someone say, "If it weren't for that person, I would not be who I am today?" Or, "In my wife I learned the meaning of true love?" In that kind of love -- a love that changes us and challenges us to be a better human being -- we understand that we have been given a very special gift: the gift of "life." This "gift" means we must acknowledge that we have been given something that is not ours to keep but, rather, something that must be passed along. In loving my wife and children my love is passed to them and, they in return, pass it back to me. The same holds true for other family members, friends, and society at large. When we speak of God's love we are saying that, in faith, we believe that we are loved by a power so much greater than ourselves and who compels us to pass that love on. Who wouldn't want to share that kind of love with the world? The gifting of life is an unrestricted function of what we lack, yet so desperately desire and is an outward expression of our oneness with something greater than ourselves. 

     In the Christian faith the term, ἀγάπη (agapē) refers to the love we share with the world. Agapē is a Greek term most closely related to "charity" than to any physical attraction. Agapē is the gift God has given to us with the command to share it; to not be locked into our own little world, the world we have created for ourselves as if we are God. Locking ourselves into our own world is not only a form of mental illness, but is the ultimate definition of idolatry. Being charitable to others is its own separate desire as taught by our Lord, Jesus Christ.The gifting of God's love reverses the desire to satisfy the self -- to play God; to think that we can create a world of our own -- and fills us with a new desire whereby we become vessels for pouring out all that love of God in Christ Jesus to the world.